The Replay: Dundee v Kilmarnock. March 31, 2001
Or Mahood > Caniggia
Welcome to The Replay, where every month we blow the dust off a vintage match from bygone times, pour it into a pint glass and get all teary thinking about a time when we were young and good looking and there was no question that the future belonged to us.
Previously, we have revisited Scotland’s first group match at the 1986 World Cup; a crucial qualifier on the road to Euro 96; and an Edinburgh derby from 2006 that played out like a sequel to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
This time, as Scottish Cup week pits Kilmarnock against Dundee, we travel back a quarter of a century, to find these same two teams entwined in Premier League action at Dens Park on the final day of March 2001.
It is a deceptive spring day on Tayside. The sky is blue and the sun is out, but the winter has been unkind to the groundsmen of Sandeman Street and the pitch is sparse in patches and granite hard. The wind whips across the old ground and it’s apparent from the start of the tape that we’re going to need true craftsmen to get a tune out of this one. Fortunately for us, such men are in abundance in DD3 as our story begins.
THE WARM-UP
When most of us met Claudio Caniggia for the first time, he left an impression that could not fade. He emerged from the Argentina bench like a sprite: pocket-sized and full of magic, stored, most likely, in his pre-grunge barnet, as free flowing and untamed as his game. His moment in the first match of the 1990 World Cup came shortly after his introduction as a substitute. During a heroic dribble, he was fouled on three separate occasions by different Cameroon players, the denouement a dismantling by Benjamin Massing which earned a straight red but also the 1-0 win for the African nation that began that mesmeric tournament with a bang.
Caniggia was one of the icons of that Italian summer. He somehow survived the mauling by Massing to score two gigantic goals as Argentina recovered to reach the final, including the only goal conceded by the host nation in six matches — the equaliser in the semi-final which Argentina won on penalties. The yellow card shown to Caniggia in that game disqualified him from the lifeless final that Argentina lost to West Germany.
As Caniggia sat in the stands in Rome watching that one, it’s hard to imagine he was aware that Dundee had just been relegated from the Premier League. As he returned to Atalanta in Italy with his global reputation at a dizzying new height, he could not possibly have forecast that barely a decade later, he would be playing his football by the silvery Tay, accompanied not by Diego Maradona but by Gavin Rae.
Alan Mahood was 17 that same summer of 1990, already a part of a fertile Morton farm system which produced a crop of Scottish football perennials including Derek McInnes, Brian Reid and Derek Lilley. As he worked toward his first steps in professional football, how could he have imagined that he would share the pitch with the new star of Los Albiceleste? My friends, this was indeed fate’s trajectory for these two men who shared the same trade, more or less.
Dundee are in red Xara shirts with navy blue trim and collars and Ceramic Tile Warehouse on the chest, and black shorts and socks. Kilmarnock are doing a decent impression of Caniggia’s national team in sky-blue-and-white verticals, fashioned by TFG and sponsored by ScotlandOnline.com because, you know, 2001.
Let’s go.
THE FIRST HALF
3.42
Jesus Garcia Sanjuan is one of two Spanish players Bobby Williamson has just lured from Airdrie to Kilmarnock as they attempt to close the deal on a European place. How about this for a start to your debut? The midfielder carves out a perfect pass between the Dundee right-back, Barry Smith, and Chris Coyne at centre-back. As if the football is a hare on a wire, it releases the whippet-like Craig Dargo down the inside left. Sometimes there is no more satisfying sight in football than the right pass releasing a speedster and Dargo destroys his opponents in the subsequent footrace. Have you seen the footage from the mums’ race at a Jamaican school when Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, the Olympic sprint champion, refused to play nice with her fellow parents? This is exactly the same. By the time he is in the box, Smith and Coyne aren’t even in the picture and the forward slides a cute finish between the legs of Marco Roccati in the Dundee goal.
Dundee 0 Kilmarnock 1.
4.00
Rob MacLean has no co-commentator. This shortcoming becomes clear when the goal is replayed and we are without the colour, perhaps the professional’s perspective that comes from a second voice in the box. Ally McCoist, aged 38, is right there, next to Dargo in the Kilmarnock attack. Get him a microphone! “I’ll tell you what, Rob, the kid is rapid! I was standing 10 yards away when he started that run and now I can barely see him! [Ally and Rob struggle to contain their laughter]. And… and… he’s even smaller now!”
5.03
Dargo is a menace. Kevin McGowne unleashes a long ball behind the Dundee defence and although the Killie forward starts behind Coyne, he gets in front of him by the time the ball bounces into the box. Dargo controls on his right thigh and then hits a bouncer with his left. Roccati has stayed on his line and saves with his legs. Then he rants in Italian, his hands rocking back and forth in prayer. Coyne, Smith and Steven Tweed are his nearest targets — they can’t have a clue what he’s saying.
10.36
Claudio Caniggia! With the wind swirling and the ground rock hard, he kills a dodgy pass instantly near halfway and wriggles around three opponents before hitting a delicious eight-iron into the box. Javier Artero is on to it a little late and, in the final analysis, is just not as good at football as Caniggia is, and so he misses. Close-up on Claudio, who is saying something in Spanish to Artero, impassioned, wide-eyed. I wish I knew what it was.
14.28
Bobby Williamson! The Killie manager has constructed a winning team from misfit toys and he is the picture of serenity as he sits in the Dens Park stand, almost entirely hidden in a gigantic TFG coat from which only his face and hands are visible.
16.05
Have you seen the one-man mega-press executed by Andy Robertson for Liverpool against Manchester City in 2018? Dargo’s cover version doesn’t quite hit the same notes but seeing him shuttle from Rae to Giorgi Nemsadze to Smith is a joy nevertheless, and it ends with an uncontrolled slide that wipes out the Dundee captain. Dargo immediately apologises to absolutely everyone and that, combined with diplomacy from McCoist, persuades referee Tom Brown to keep his pistols holstered.
‘D-A-R-G-O!’ the away end sings, to the tune of ‘D-I-S-C-O’ (of course).
19.02
Oohyah! Gus MacPherson is waiting under a headed clearance by Coyne, but Marcello Marrocco, his opposite full-back, has a running start and crashes into him, knocking MacPherson first into Beto Carranza and then onto the cold, unforgiving turf, which he hits with his hip, then his head as it snaps down. “A bang on the head for Gus,” says Rob MacLean. “He doesn’t have much head protection these days.” Sweet Jesus, Rob, let’s hang fire on the bald-shaming and focus on some concussion protocol here.
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20.58
Steve Archibald! The mercurial former Barcelona and Scotland man was the creative force behind Airdrie’s mass import of Spanish footballers. Things have gone wrong behind the scenes, leading to a sell-off of the best of them. As well as Sanjuan, Killie have acquired Antonio Calderon, who is in the stand as he recovers from injury. Archibald is keeping tabs on his guys, dressed in a navy overcoat and royal blue shirt. He looks great.
24.25
Another ball is launched into the ozone and is dropping onto the head of… oh no, is that… don’t head it, Gus! MacPherson meets the ball as it reaches maximum velocity and the connection is so powerful it is clearly audible on the broadcast. As play moves on, Gus puts his hands up to his head and wobbles. I am worried about Gus MacPherson.
25.36
Craig Brown! This is the Scotland manager’s happy place — he was part of the Dundee team that won the title in 1962. He is here to watch Rae, who Brown included in his last squad but did not play. Scotland have a friendly in Poland approaching before qualifying for the 2002 World Cup reaches a crescendo. Immediately Rae misplaces a five-yard pass to Caniggia, who sports a look of utter incomprehension. He wears a headband not unlike that sported by Bjorn Borg or Steve Foster, but he has so much hair that such a device cannot control it. His red shirt is tucked into his shorts, which are pulled up well over his halfway line. It’s a singular look.
27.41
Carranza makes Caniggia look like a giant. He is an urchin, an imp, playing in a shirt far too big for him, yet still the smallest the home kit supplier has ever manufactured. It splashes over his shorts completely, almost to his knees, which are the size of 50-pence pieces. The imp Carranza spins Sanjuan brilliantly, the ball remaining tied to his tiny right boot. He side-foots a pass between Chris Innes and Freddie Dindeleux, a mirror image of the assist for Dargo’s goal. Juan Sara, the other of Dundee’s Argentine forwards, has less grass to run into and as Colin Meldrum advances out of the Killie goal, the striker taps it round him and slides the ball into the empty net. For the 15th time this season, Sara lifts his shirt over his head to reveal a ‘Jesus Loves You’ t-shirt.
‘Juan Sara, Sara!’ sing the home crowd, to ‘Que Sera, Sera’ (of course).
Dundee 1 Kilmarnock 1.
30.17
The imp Carranza chases a bouncer into the box and just as Innes is poised to hoof it clear, Carxranza pops it past him… with his hand! Innes and Gus go mental and Tom Brown brings out the yellow. “That’s a joke,” says Innes with a shake of his head.
36.58
Oohyah! Mahood hits Nemsadze with a Nigel de Jong studs-up rib cracker as yet another skyscraper comes down. Nemsadze is hating it, he rips his shirt up over his chin, showing the imprint of Mahood’s studs on his torso. Replays show that Mahood is wearing mouldies, so it could have been worse, really. Referee Brown admonishes the victim for protesting the assault on his person. “No more! Nothing else!”
44.10
The Kilmarnock debut of Sanjuan is over. He challenges Nemsadze awkwardly, wrapping his leg around that of the Dundee man in a way that his ligaments immediately protest. His game started with that laser-guided pass to Dargo and it ends with him on a stretcher, his hands covering his face.
Half-time. Dundee 1 Kilmarnock 1.
THE SECOND HALF
49.01
Are you watching, Craig Brown? Caniggia dances into the box, dragging Killie defenders out to him, before laying the ball off to Smith. The skipper dinks a cross into the charging run of Rae, who powers his header across goal and inside the far post. Will that be enough to get him on the pitch in Poland? Or, with two more games until the split, to get Dundee into the top six?
Dundee 2 Kilmarnock 1.
59.48
It’s a yellow for Mahood and at this stage it’s a reward for an impressive portfolio of fouls, rather than one heinous offence. Marrocco is his latest victim, the full-back getting a rap on the shins as he side-steps Mahood. The midfield here is a real melting pot of global football but Mahood has been easily its most influential operator. Only he has fully understood the assignment in these conditions. He has limited risk, identified (and sometimes violently neutralised) threats and used the ball efficiently.
70.21
Dargo tangles with Tweed as the Dundee defender heads a long ball away, the striker jumping in with flailing arms and little chance of winning anything but the attention of his opponent. The physical difference between these two can be expressed by the equation T=2D. As he moves on, Tweed literally brushes Dargo aside. The striker, belittled, reacts with a wild swing of his left hand that catches nothing but air. Tweed turns back and wags his finger in Dargo’s face, which really is condescending. Dargo retorts: “You fucking arsehole!” Coyne comes out of nowhere like Tweed’s WWF tag team partner, shoving Dargo in the chest. It’s all gone south.
Here comes McCoist, the voice of reason. The wily old rogue ignores the combat and heads to the ref with his arms out and an expression on his face that seems to say: “Look, we’ve all had a drink. Some people said things that were out of order. But come on, we’re all pals. There’s no need for the polis.” This is one fire McCoist cannot extinguish with his silver tongue. Tom Brown is already going for the red card. Dargo stomps down the tunnel, taking with him, surely, Kilmarnock’s claim on any reward from this game.
72.37
Williamson withdraws McCoist and Ally Mitchell for Andy McLaren and Paul di Giacomo. The Killie manager oozes zen on the sidelines, as if a prile of witches have already foreseen the outcome and he is merely playing his part in what must happen.
73.51
Di Giacomo, one of the replacements, chases it into the corner and feeds Garry Hay on an underlap from left-back. Hay moves on to the ball with a deft pirouette inside the box that is scarcely believable given the conditions, the moment and the man. He comes out of it with a wedge to the back post, where… wait… it’s… GUS MACPHERSON! The clearly concussed right-back is on the end of the left-back’s cross and climbs all over Marrocco — the varmint responsible for his blurred vision and nausea — to head the ball down and toward the goal. It could be a rare goal for Gus, but to avoid doubt, here is Mahood, steaming in to force the ball over the line before the home defenders can react. Sometimes a football match gives a goal to its most deserving participant and this is one of those times.
Dundee 2 Kilmarnock 2.
78.24
Here is Fabian Caballero to replace the imp Carranza. Dens Park is on its feet. Reason No.1: Caballero arrived the previous summer and started his career in astonishing form before a serious knee injury took him from the field in the autumn. Reason No.2: his absence left Dundee short up front and prompted manager Ivano Bonetti to call his former teammate Caniggia with an unusual proposition. Almost five months later, the two are in tandem as Dundee try to turn one point into three.
84.27
Williamson is back in the stand and he’s so chill I’m starting to think someone laced his Bovril. He’s resting his chin on his hand, gazing into the middle distance, thinking about what he’s going to watch on television that night.
85.51
A crowd shot that should be in the National Gallery. Dens Park, 2001.
86.41
Sara drifts into the box, but as Rae drives beyond him the Argentine holds on to the ball for a beat too long. MacPherson and Innes maintain the line and allow Rae to move offside, from where he finds a beautiful finish over Meldrum, but it’s worthless. The game ends and the two teams leave Dens to the theme from The Great Escape, but an escape from what? We may never know.
THE AFTERMATH
Rob MacLean began the broadcast with news of a pursuit for Caniggia from “Celtic and a number of English Premier League clubs.” It was Rangers who won the race for the 33-year-old, who headed to Ibrox at the end of this season and was still an electric presence, intermittently at least, for two years before a final bow in the Middle East.
Dundee squeaked into the top six and even played European football the following season, albeit Intertoto style. Bonetti’s two years in charge at Dens delivered memories and moments but nothing more tangible, and was the precursor to a catastrophic financial collapse. The cosmopolitan squad he built bore its share of misfortune and tragedy, too. Artero’s career was over the following season when he was diagnosed with MS. Caballero died at the age of 46 after a career spent with a new club almost every season after he left the adoration of Dens Park.
Rae did indeed make his Scotland debut in that friendly against Poland, winning the first of 14 caps.
Williamson’s Kilmarnock garnered fewer headlines, but more points. For the second time in three years, they ended the season in fourth place in the top flight and also reached the League Cup final against Celtic, where a Henrik Larsson hat-trick did for them. He was hired by Hibs, then managed in England and then spent the majority of his coaching career in Africa, before those adventures were ended by a battle with cancer.
Mahood’s goal was one of only nine he scored in over 150 appearances for Kilmarnock and it would be a great condemnation of the other eight if this was his best. Yet it marked a day that illustrated one of our game’s secrets. Sometimes, Caniggia is not enough and what you really need is more Mahood.
Thanks for reading this month’s Replay. I’d like to remind you that this idea was stolen from the great Shea Serrano who does the same thing, only with better writing and about movies. If you like movies (which you do) and great writing (duh) then go to Shea’s Substack, Good Movie.