Big Dunc: The Whole Nine Yards
We asked Iain Macintosh to read Duncan Ferguson's explosive new autobiography. Here are nine things we didn’t know about Stirling's newsworthy No.9
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Duncan Ferguson was one of the most… erm… colourful strikers of the 1990s and 2000s. But how much do we really know about him? He very rarely gave interviews. Well, now he’s released a brilliant, warts-and-all autobiography, ghostwritten by the great : To mark the publication of Big Dunc we asked Iain Macintosh to give it a read and tell us nine things we didn’t know about No.9.
By Iain Macintosh
1. He wasn’t always Big Dunc
Duncan Ferguson was a very late developer. “I wasn’t quick, I wasn’t particularly strong and it was only as the years went by that I got bigger and filled out… Back then I really was Wee Dunc. Big Dunc was my dad.”
Not only that, but he was bullied at school for not having any pubes. Seriously. “I never had a hair on my bollocks until I was 17,” he writes. “I’d go into the showers [at school] and they’d all be singing, “Baldy! Baldy!”
Scientists believe that humans are hard-wired to strive for survival. This story suggests that there was a group of young men in Stirling in the 1980s whose wiring was very, very faulty.
2. Do not employ him for painting and decorating
Ferguson’s first club was Dundee United, ruled by the despotic Jim McLean and, at the risk of understatement, the two men did not get on. Ferguson was constantly getting into scrapes, McLean was constantly fining him large chunks of a very small wage packet. Eventually Ferguson was excluded from training and told to work with the labourers, cleaning and fixing the stadium.
“Paint the outside wall of the gym,” [McLean] ordered. So I put my hardhat on and set to work on the wall… it didn’t take long to write ‘JIM MCLEAN’S A CUNT’.”
Ferguson’s rating on Trust A Trader might actually be in minus stars.
3. His headbutt on John McStay (probably) had context: a drunken insult
Ferguson was sent down for assault after a clash with Raith Rovers’ John McStay at Ibrox in April 1994.
A year or so previously, when Ferguson was still at Dundee United, he attended an awards dinner in Glasgow, and was seated with various Rangers people including the late Walter Smith.
Ferguson’s use of the first name of well-known Glasgow businessman James Mortimer provoked a sneering remark from a random punter at the bar (“Oh, it’s ‘James’ now, is it?”). It stuck in the young striker’s craw — and he is “99 per cent sure” the offender was McStay.
Ferguson suspects that the insult may have triggered his reaction on the pitch that infamous day. If only he had cleared the air and asked McStay straight out if he was the culprit, the flare-up and subsequent spell in Barlinnie might never have happened.
For the record: Ferguson admits he connected with McStay, but denies the motion had any force of violence to it. He insists that a media frenzy — plus the fact that referee Kenny Clark failed to book him, sealed his fate.
“…On 20 May [1995], I played in the FA Cup final for Everton. As I walked out of Wembley afterwards, a couple of Scottish journalists asked if they could have a few words. I had two in particular. ‘Fuck you,’ I said, and walked on.”
4. Policing on Merseyside in the 90s was a little bit partisan
Shortly after joining Everton on loan, Ferguson was picked up for drink driving by the local constabulary. Arrested by a Liverpool-supporting copper, his arrival at the police station sparked rage among the Evertonian boys in blue.
“All the bizzies were arguing with each other, screaming at each other. Blues against Reds. ‘Why have you lifted him?’”
In a desperate bid to get him off the hook, the long arm of the law reached out to help.
“The hatch in my cell opened up and Blues started handing me pints of water, saying, ‘Duncan, you’re on the limit. We’ve got a doctor coming down to see you, to take your blood… maybe in another five hours you’ll be clear.’”
Reader, he was not clear.
5. Never rely on Tim Sherwood for plausible deniability
Ferguson was sent off eight times in the Premier League, a record he shares with Patrick Vieira and Richard Dunne. One of these dismissals came at Ewood Park in 1996 against Blackburn Rovers when David Elleray sent him off for “industrial language”.
“Rubbish,” writes Ferguson. “I sang ‘Who’s a baldy bastard? Who’s a baldy bastard? Na na na na!’ He took offence.”
According to Ferguson, Blackburn’s captain attempted to rescue him.
“He was singing it at me, ref!” said Sherwood.
Sherwood at the time had hair almost to his shoulders. A bold strategy. It did not pay off.
6. Gazza was so broken that even Ferguson didn’t want to party with him
Paul Gascoigne was 33 when he arrived at Goodison Park and his powers were fading. Like Ferguson, he’d played for Rangers in the past (though with rather more distinction) but “he was a lost soul by the time he came to Everton”.
“I liked Gazza but I saw him as someone I didn’t want to be about. I was hearing that he was causing trouble in the city, and was lucky he never got hurt on a number of occasions as some other players in Liverpool have done when mouthing off too much.”
Ferguson seems to have spent his entire career out on the town and he has frequently been at the centre of trouble. There is no bigger, redder flag than Duncan Ferguson considering you too high-risk an option as a drinking buddy.
7. He’s still extremely angry with Pierluigi Collina
Everton finished fourth in the Premier League in 2005, apparently snatching the last Champions League place ahead of Liverpool… right up until Liverpool snatched the Champions League from AC Milan in Istanbul. That meant five English qualifiers when there were only meant to be four. UEFA’s solution was to have both clubs dropped into the preliminary rounds. Liverpool had to work their way through a parade of minnows. Everton had to face Villarreal. They were 3-2 down on aggregate when Ferguson bullet-headed the Blues back to parity. But referee Collina disallowed the goal when even the most ardent Spanish fan would have struggled to find anything wrong with it.
“VAR would have sorted that in seconds… Collina stitched us up… And what did Collina do (afterwards)? Immediately retire. Why on earth was he allowed to referee such an important game in the first place? Everton have never had answers from UEFA.”
8. He claims credit for bringing Rooney back to Everton
As one of Ronald Koeman’s coaches in 2017, Ferguson was insistent that Everton should try to retrieve one of their former stars from Manchester United. Koeman was keener on Swansea’s Gylfi Sigurdsson.
“Gylfi was a great player but the cost was mad [Everton signed him for £45million]. A year earlier we could have got him for £25m.”
Ferguson urged Koeman to sign Wayne Rooney instead.
“‘Look, I’ve got Wayne Rooney here. He’s better than Sigurdsson. Take him. He’s at Man United. I’ll sort him out. Don’t be worrying. Get Wayne Rooney.’”
Then he ordered Rooney to tell Koeman all the things he wanted to hear. “Tell him you’ve got your hunger back, tell him you’re fit, healthy and you’ll score goals for him.”
Koeman had his doubts, but signed him anyway. And then he signed Sigurdsson too. And Davy Klaassen from Ajax. And they already had Ross Barkley. Oh, Everton.
9. Many bosses have got the best out of Ferguson. Marcel Brands was not one of them
Dutchman Marcel Brands replaced Steve Walsh as Everton’s Director of Football in 2018, but Ferguson wasn’t convinced about the calibre of his signings and said as much — in front of Brands, it should be said — to new manager Carlo Ancelotti. Brands was most put out and, with Ancelotti insistent that Ferguson remained on the club staff, Brands issued Ferguson with four new instructions:
Don’t go on the touchline. Stay in your seat.
Don’t clap the fans. It’s not your job to clap the fans.
Stop talking down the players we sign. Tell Carlo that we’ve signed good players.
Tidy up your desk, it’s a mess.
Brands is still alive. Somehow.
Big Dunc: The Upfront Autobiography is out now, published by Penguin.
